As arguably the millennial writer of our times, Dolly Alderton has an uncanny knack for holding up a mirror to modern womanhood, and reflecting back all the joy, heartbreak, and Y2K nostalgia we didn’t even know we needed. Her work is equal parts love letter and forensic investigation, dissecting romantic relationships with the precision of a cardiac surgeon while simultaneously toasting to the fierce, unshakable bonds of female friendship. All served up with a glass of Prosecco, obviously.
So when the celebrated author of Everything I Know About Love (my favourite book of all time), Ghosts and Good Material graced season two of Give Me A Buzz, we were all ears. As a woman in her 30s and currently single, I am no stranger to the rollercoaster of modern dating – dating apps, singles events, and those well-meaning-but-relentless questions from family and friends about when I might finally “settle down.”
Over an hour-long chat and a microphone, here’s what I learnt from Dolly in her only podcast interview as part of her recent Australian tour.
The great myth of gender is that women struggle with being single
Turns out, we’ve been sold an outdated narrative. That tragic, Bridget Jones-esque archetype of a single woman desperately seeking love? It’s a myth. In fact, men are the ones who struggle with being single. Dolly summed it up perfectly: “Men are incapable of being single, which is the great myth of gender. I think women are much better at being single and on their own.”
I couldn’t agree more. While men may experience a sense of lacking—intimacy, emotional support, connection—women are more likely to cultivate deep, meaningful relationships with friends and with themselves. In my experience, most single women aren’t waiting to be saved; they’re too busy living.
We need to value our friendships the way we value our romantic relationships
Charlotte York said it first: maybe our friends can be our soulmates. Through life’s highs and lows, platonic relationships are often the most enduring, yet society still places romance on a pedestal. Dolly sees it too: “Everything that applies to a relationship, how that builds and grows and how that enriches you for the rest of your life – bar a sexual connection – is exactly the same as friendship. It’s just that there is a cultural premium on romance.”
She’s not wrong. Bumble research found that Gen Z is leading the charge in redefining love, with 84 percent believing that platonic relationships are just as important, if not more, than romantic ones. Meanwhile, two-thirds of women (66%) say grieving a friendship breakup is just as intense as the end of a romantic relationship. Maybe it’s time we start treating friendships with the same reverence as dating – from anniversaries to love letters, and maybe even a matching friendship bracelet or two. Shout out here to my friend Pixie who just had bracelets made for our group of four girlfriends with our birthstones in them – that’s the kind of romanticism we need to bring to friendship.
When you’re single, you need other single friends
If, like me, you’re in your 30s, you might be entering the splinter era – that phase of life where friendships start to shift based on life stage and relationship status. According to Bumble research, more than half (52%) of Australians say they struggle to maintain friendships with people in different life stages, and one in three (33%) women regularly compare their life stage to that of their friends.
Dolly gets it: “The number one thing that transforms the life of single women in their 30s is whether they have other single women in their lives – to not only normalise the life that you’ve chosen to have or the life that has happened to you, but to celebrate it and for it to be cool and exciting.”
Single friends don’t just make great wing-women—they’re the ones who truly get it. No explaining your choices, no side-eyes at brunch. Just understanding, support, and a shared love for spontaneous nights out and bottomless mimosa Sundays.
Dating should be fun
Let’s stop with the endless “should-ing” when it comes to dating. There are no benchmarks, no arbitrary deadlines. Dolly puts it simply: “It’s a real adventure being single, and you should only date when it feels like that. To force yourself through this relentlessness of having to meet as many men as possible—I just think that is the mistake. We’re dating because it’s meant to be fun.”
Amen. If dating feels like a chore, take a break. If you’re over swiping, have a rest (temporarily, at least). Dating should be an experience, not a job. If you’re not having fun, what’s the point?
It’s normal to mourn being single when you’re in a relationship
Mourning your single life doesn’t mean you love your partner any less – it just means you had a life worth celebrating before them. The routines, the habits, the small joys of solo living (yes, even eating cold pizza at 9AM on a Sunday) are things worth missing. Dolly put it best: “There’s so much that’s talked about the benefits of being in a relationship, but there are real benefits of being single. If you’ve been single for a long time, when you do meet your person, you will miss it in ways that you can’t predict.”
As someone who has spent a significant chunk of adulthood solo, I couldn’t agree more. Life is fuller, busier, and more layered than ever. And no matter how wonderful a relationship may be, it’s only natural to miss the simplicity of being alone.
The wisdom Dolly shared on the podcast was exactly as insightful and searing as I expected it to be. Being single isn’t a waiting room for something better – it is the main event. And whether you’re single, dating, or coupled up, one thing remains true: the best love stories aren’t always romantic. Sometimes, they’re about you, your best friends, and the adventures you choose to have together.
Listen to Lucille’s interview with Dolly in full on Give Me A Buzz season 2
